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Thursday, April 2nd, 2009

Time:4:52 pm.
I love that "Put it in the kitchen next to the (ceramic) Danzig skull" is a normal thing for my roommate to say when I ask where he wants the rent check.
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Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

Time:2:59 pm.
I had a dream that I was loading the dishwasher and doing laundry and got mad when I woke up to find out there were still dishes still in the sink and a pile of dirty clothes.

Loading the dishwasher and doing laundry. What the hell am I paying you for, brain?
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Thursday, February 12th, 2009

Time:2:13 am.
I hate it when people give me that self-serving crap "Welcome to my world." Usually whenever that's said, they're either welcoming me into a world that is already familiar to me and not interesting enough to merit a welcome, or they're misinformed of the world I inhabit.

I'm at my mom's. I slept weird hours (6 pm - 2:30 am). I'm just kinda lying around until she gets up.
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Wednesday, February 4th, 2009

Subject:The Belmont Barbershop
Time:8:16 pm.
These are my friends Josh and Billy, and they run the greatest barbershop in the world in Roscoe Village. I get my hair cut here every month.

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Saturday, January 31st, 2009

Time:1:27 am.
My roommate Brendan (mmmchckwarrior) just told me that he and his friend David, who works for the Red Eye, are both responsible for this cover. They just thought it would be funny, but it actually got printed. Hahaha.

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Friday, January 30th, 2009

Time:11:09 pm.
I'm watching Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey and eating bad spinach dip.

I forgot how many funny fucking lines are in this movie.
"I can't believe we just melvined death, dude!"
"I totally possessed my dad!"
(whispering) "Dude, we're in heaven and we just mugged three people."
My favorite part is probably when they punch the "evil us's" in the face and go "You're totally metal, dude!", then the evil us's pull apart their stomachs to reveal robotic skeletons, then do the air guitar motion, followed by the real Bill & Ted doing the air guitar motion.

God this dip is bad.

The teenage kids upstairs have people over. I think I'm going to see what that daycare is all about.
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Thursday, January 29th, 2009

Subject:EXTREME PB & J SANDWICH-MAKING
Time:1:58 am.
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Monday, January 12th, 2009

Time:6:08 pm.
I saw the weather headline Alberta Clipper Racing Eastward and I thought, "Oh cool, Canadian boat race! Wait... shit."

So here comes another one. It's only a matter of time before the Ashland plow trucks blow out a window in my car when they sling that grime through the air. I should take a picture of the back of my car, it looks like a future archeological find of an ancient 21st century tailgate that hasn't been fully chipped out of centuries-old layers of sediment. I want to start parking in the alley but my roommates haven't shoveled their Hot Wheels cars out of their spaces.

There is some hipster kid here hanging out with my roommate Dean in our second living room / music space (our apartment is huge and amazing), who is drooling over my bass equipment. It's weird. I stopped caring about my gear years ago. Since 2001 it has taken up space in my many residences as a makeshift end table or in a dark storage corner. For years my amp has been just another annoying heavy thing I have to move, but now that it's being seen with new eyes I'm starting to unveil my own. I guess my stuff IS pretty cool. The Trace Elliott anyway. Jeez, I wonder what else I've got that I forgot was cool and has become a ball and chain. Probably not much, I don't keep many things around. I probably won't have a very impressive old guy basement.

Why did my mom change her profile pic on Facebook to a picture of macaroni & cheese?

I'm ready to go play some pool.
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Friday, January 2nd, 2009

Time:3:49 am.
Using my phone. typing is weird. mac is still in shop. need lots of $ to fix the water damage. need new phone too. can't get online easily these days. just moved into a new apartment on ashland just south of montrose. wrigleyville/ravenswood. much better than an anarchist bomb shelter in a puerto rican slum.
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Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008

Subject:Everything does not, in fact, suck.
Time:5:43 pm.
I got my car unstuck. My exhaust system is intact. My new landlord said I can go ahead and move in to the new place whenever I want. Things are working out. Everything seemed a lot worse last night, I was just tired and stressed out.

To compliment how much better I'm feeling, here's a nice message from my buddies, Chicago legends Deal's Gone Bad. I'll be spending New Year's Eve with these fellas. Dave Simon (green jacket) is a wonderfully "colorful" person to be drunk with. Good way to kickstart 2009.

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Subject:everything pretty much sucks
Time:4:27 am.
Mood: infuriated.
I tried parallel parking tonight when my already-fucked up catalytic converter came loose as I tried backing over this foot-high snow ridge a plow truck left. This pisses me off because I saw the fuckin ridge and I knew I shouldn't have done it because I know the safe height of my car's underbody. I was just tired and desperate for a close space. My catalytic converter has been fucked up since over a year ago when I was driving on Blue Star Hwy in Michigan when I drove through a snow drift which tore it away it from the exhaust system and dragged the thing a half mile before I pulled over and saw that it was on the ground and had a hole torn in it from dragging on pavement, and I've had to reattach it a few times since, but until tonight it's been over a year since it came loose.

This hole is actually why my fucking hybrid car has not been getting the gas mileage it should be getting. When my car's catalytic converter gets warm it is supposed to switch to electric drive, and because MY car's catalytic converter has a hole torn in it the engine gets warm less quickly. And I haven't yet dealt with that.

My car is parked well enough to where I can wait until morning to investigate the exhaust, like I'm REALLY looking forward to doing that. I was going to write about better things tonight, like the fact that my friend Mickey Massacre wants to rid me of my old half-stack for a decent price, but now I can't think of anything else except that my car and snow are assholes and I want to kill them. It's supposed to be a warmer temperature tomorrow (30 degrees) so hopefully I'll be able to reattach my exhaust with minor difficulty before I get to doing things I have planned. And that will probably involve shovels and salt. And gloves I don't have. And a hat. Serves me right for waiting until denial reaches the you're-a-retard stage for buying new winter gear.

Also I got another parking ticket tonight. I laughed when I saw it. Apparently there are arctic meter maids who feed on ice and contempt for nourishment. I'm Elwood Blues with this shit. I'm actually grateful that my car isn't booted considering how many orange envelopes I've ignored. Who knows, it'll probably get booted tomorrow.

Psst, hey City of Chicago, there's some revenue and angst you might be interested in collecting which is parked along the north end of Mozart Park.

I still have to get my brother a gift and my little nephew Riley some Matchbox cars for Christmas. Also there's a blizzard coming over the lake which will make travel shitty. But Uncle Mike will make it to Michigan even if he has bomb his car, hitchhike to Target, buy your Matchbox cars and take the South Shore line into Michigan City and get someone to pick him up at the station.

Did I mention I also have to pack and move this week on a deadline and have to deal with landlords who are being flaky and not calling me back? You'd think that would be my hot issue. My beat-up RAZR is on silent and awaiting patiently atop my composure and dirty bedside laundry.

I forgot to buy juice for the morning.

Fucking holidays.

Sunday, December 14th, 2008

Time:3:22 pm.
Oh by the way, that van?

Still making noise.

Yup.
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Subject:plush toy happenstance
Time:2:37 pm.
During my brief return to Seattle this summer I came across a stuffed puppy in my dumpster. Yesterday when taking out the trash I saw another, larger and happier-looking stuffed puppy in my trash bin, just as I threw a wine bottle on top of it. Today when gathering laundry I accidentally threw in a stuffed Garfield doll, which I bought at a Cracker Barrel with Katie somewhere in southern Illinois, which I accidentally kicked across the basement.

OKAY LIFE, I get the hint and all, but I'm already pretty intuitive, I don't need these forced physical metaphors for loss of innocence. Unless I'm in some noir film and don't know it.
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Time:3:34 am.
Mood: amused.
I just found an orange City of Chicago parking violation envelope under my windshield wiper with a piece of lined notebook paper inside of it reading "psych" in handwritten text. I cannot stop laughing. Considering the fact that I am probably on the boot list due to my ridiculously neglected amount of unpaid parking tickets in this city, I applaud you, stranger.
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Friday, December 12th, 2008

Time:6:36 pm.
I really want to be at the Hanson Brothers / Das Kapital show at Reggie's tonight, but I'm fucking miserable. My car is miles away, I can't find my phone anywhere, I can't find my watch anywhere (not that I need it), I drank way too much last night, and I just want to lie down on my bed, but the slats won't stay in place because the frame is bent, so the whole thing keeps collapsing, and I'd just accept the collapse if it weren't for the metal bar in the middle which turns the mattress into an inverted V which makes lying down impossible. This description sucks, I'm sorry. But my bed is my sanctuary away from this shit world and I don't even have that. I've made a kind of nest on the floor which will have to do. That rottweiler outside is still barking at nothing. How the fuck do you have the energy to bark nonstop when it's 2 degrees outside?

Monday, December 8th, 2008

Time:8:49 pm.
I am so god damn addicted to açaí. I don't know what it is about the stuff. But it can't hurt to be addicted to one of the healthiest foods out there. Except after I finish this açaí juice I am going to go get a meatball sub from the place down the street. Taken with a multivitamin, of course. Then I'm going to go to Delilah's to drink and play pool. Then I am going to come home and sleep. Because life is all about bouncing between things that are awesome and horrible for you.

I got laid last night for the first time since April. Which brings my grand total of number of times I've had sex this year to... five. I'm so promiscuous. Somebody stop me.
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Saturday, December 6th, 2008

Subject:caustic noises
Time:3:07 am.
THIS FUCKING VAN



has had an alarm going off since early this afternoon. It's not the standard drama queen car alarm sound that we all know, because obviously it would have been off by now, it's this constant tick-tick-tick-tick-tick noise. Think of the sound a car makes when you hit the auto-lock button, then multiply it to all day. It's like Chinese water torture on the ears. I'm addicted to a certain kind of constant noise which causes me to be unable to sleep without a fan running, but that's called white noise. This definitely isn't white noise. My sleep fan isn't even drowning it out.

Okay, so it's not too oppressive, I'm just doing some flowery bitching for the sake of nothing. But my neighbors do run a pretty suckworthy circus. Aside from their ticking van they've also got a rottweiler that they leave in the backyard that barks all day long at a brick wall (and at me when it sees me through the kitchen window making a sandwich), and a retarded guy who hangs out in the backyard or on the corner yelling at the top of his lungs for his invisible friend Rodney. We also live next to an alley which is stewing with Puerto Rican drug dealers and where people feel it necessary to blare their horns at five hundred times the preferred length you should use your horn to warn pedestrians when leaving an alley. These aren't the only reasons I've never liked living in Logan Square, but I'm pretty sure I'll be leaving it in the spring, once it's warm and I've got money, ambition, plans, and have shaken off my gray-hair-causing 2008 jaded stress and nihilism.

I just heated up a tea bag in the microwave because I'm a moron and forgot to add water. Huh. Time for bed.
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Friday, December 5th, 2008

Time:8:57 pm.
I'm laughing so hard it hurts. Rob is so retarded and neurotic.

Rob118357: My dick hurts
Rob118357: i shaved my balls a few weeks back and i had severe scrapeage
Rob118357: it's like burned
Rob118357: I'm walkin funny, it sucks
abrasive mantra: haha god man
abrasive mantra: don't use a razor
abrasive mantra: I use trimmers
Rob118357: so do i
Rob118357: but i wore boxer briefs which rubbed my dick against my prickley balls
Rob118357: I've never had this happen before
abrasive mantra: haha
abrasive mantra: now that you've got a girlfriend you gotta keep the playing field mowed, eh?
Rob118357: i usually do yea
Rob118357: thats why I did it though :-\
Rob118357: right now i'm looking at punks from slovakia
abrasive mantra: how's that going?
Rob118357: I dont know
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Subject:black ice
Time:5:22 am.
A couple of days ago my friend Pat called me while I was walking down the street in Wicker Park. He was about to come over and hang out, but I knew the weather got bad in those two hours. This was our conversation:

Me: "Be careful, there's a lot of black ice on the road."
What he heard: "Be careful, there's a lot of black guys on the road."

So he goes "???" and I'm about to correct him when this homeless black guy aggressively approaches me while I'm still on the phone. He shakes my hand, points at the shitty late night hot dog stand nearby, claims that I bought him a cheeseburger last week and starts telling me a made-up story all about it. I tell Pat to hang on while this guy dictates our alleged cheeseburger experience.

I think I only barely managed to correct him before hanging up and walking away from this guy before buying a cheeseburger because I got hungry.

There was a lot of black ice though.
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Thursday, November 20th, 2008

Subject:sanding away my tastebuds
Time:8:10 pm.
I've developed this new ridiculous habit of licking the shit out of my chin whenever my stubble grows in. I don't know why I started doing it. It's one of those addictive ticks like biting your nails or grinding your teeth, and it's stupid because I have a lot of facial hair which is extremely coarse (ask any girl I've kissed). So now the tip of my tongue has grown numb and a little sensitive to hot foods. I'm even doing it right now. Argh!
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LiveJournal for Michael Brown.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
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You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.